Light Bulb Moment

Last night after falling asleep on the sofa twice, I finally carried my lazy ass up to bed around 10:15.  As I snuggled under the covers listening to my BF snore away (wishing he was still sleeping on the sofa, huge snorer) I was thinking.... Day 2 done. Weekend coming, be strong.  Then I thought, my thoughts are consumed on not drinking, don't focus too hard about days ahead, take one day at a time.

Wow the light bulb went off...... Ugggh, I don't want to think about drinking. I'm "Tired of Thinking About Drinking".  Belle, my favorite sober blogger has picked the best title of her blog.

http://tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.wordpress.com

Belle founded a 100 Day No Drinking challenge.  Each month her group grows. Some are now working on an 180 day challenge. I'm taking the challenge, again. I'm motivated by the others in their various stages of sobriety. I'm comforted that I am not alone with my personal struggle. I'm encouraged that over time it will get easier, especially with the mind game.

So as I read other blogs I nod my head yes that's true. I file away what I need to use in my own journey and some are:

Cravings last about 10 mins.

The first drink is the enemy, not the 4th one.

Avoid temptation the first few days and weeks, even if you have to hide under the covers in your locked bedroom.

The more days away from alcohol the better you will feel.

Your not alone and your not a loser or failure.

So onto Day 3 and the weekend.  I've survived weekends before. Maybe I will drag my lazy butt to the gym this weekend.   You never regret a workout when it's over.

Happy Weekend to all.

MommaB.

Day 2 of 100 Day Challenge

I don't want to count days b/c it looks like a long road~

Catching up on a few of my favorite Sobriety Blogs~

Slept 8 hours straight last night & it felt awesome~

Bought a few herbal teas today~

Hope to hit the gym early tomorrow morning~

Hoping to find a sober pen pal~

Time for lunch~

B.

Starting Over~ 100 Day Challenge

Today I was wide awake @ 3 am thinking about me.  After drinking 2 bottles of wine last night in hiding of course and thinking about how many bottles I have drank in just the last week alone, I know its time again to take the 100 day challenge.  I have been "questioning" my drinking for almost 2 years now and have a few rounds of 5, 10, 15 and 20 days in a row without drinking followed by another round of several days of drinking in a row. I have gained 30 lbs the last 2 years, my BP has risen and lord knows what else I am doing to my insides. 

I have been following various bloggers for a while now and signed up twice in the last year for Belle's 100 Day Challenge and never making it past 30 days.  I read about how happy and proud the many participants are when they reach 100 days, not easy but so worth it.  I need to do this.  That needs to be me in 100 days.  Actually in 100 days or so I am going on a week vacation out of the country at an all inclusive hotel with unlimited amounts of alcohol and food.  I can't think that far ahead. 

Right now, I can only think of how to get thru this evening.  I took the pledge to not drink for 100 days. 

Today is Day 1. 

Momma Bee

Time to Dump Wolfie

Today is Sunday, almost thru the whole weekend.  I've been reading and subscribing to a few blogs, mostly ladies doing the 100 day challenge.  No liquor of any kind for 100 days in a row.  That's the ultimate goal and I'm taking it one day at a time.  Trying to reflect daily on how alcohol isn't adding anything positive to my life.  There is some in my house right now,  beer, tea coolers and some vodka.  No wine.  Wine was my first and favorite drink of choice.  I can drink a glass like it like its water.  Funny,  I'm not sure I really like wine. The first glass always taste the worst, lol.

No one knows that I'm doing the challenge.  I've taken my clean eating serious at times and it was an easy excuse to use why I wasn't drinking. Right now my focus is to drink no alcohol and get back into my old healthy routine.  Wake up at 5 am to work out before the kids head to school and I go to work.    I like waking up with no hangovers & not feeling like crap.  Each day I am a step closer to riding toxins from my body, clearer thoughts, restful sleep and feeling better about myself and my choices.

I'm not thinking days ahead, just a day at a time.  This Wedneaday I have a challenge, I'm taking a half day to see a baseball game with a friend who is a big beer drinker.  I'm going to say I will be DD.  I'll make up an excuse I have stomach issues.  I wish I didn't say I would go a few weeks back.  I can't bag on her since its just the 2 of us.  So I will just suck it up and be strong!

Why won't I tell people I am doing a challenge of no alcohol for 100 days? Because I'm not confident enough in myself and don't want to look like a failure. That's why.  When I make it to 30 days, I will share with everyone else.  I want to reach that goal first and then make my "announcement."

Reading blogs and hearing how other ladies have gone to weddings, graduations,parties, social gatherings and made it just fine with out alcohol.  Another blog I read today compared alcohol to an abusive relationship.  If someone hurts your friend time and time again, wouldn't you tell the friend it's time to dump the relationship that is harming her. So if alcohol is harming me, shouldn't I dump him? Yup, that sounds like a good idea.  That's my plan, to dump this harmful relationship (aka Wolfie) and see how great my life can be with out him!!!

Onto Day 7.

Good Night.

Momma Bee

Onto Day 4

I don't even know what to write..... I'm an emotional mess this morning. My plans for the weekend to find some me time to relax and help me stay away from any triggers or stressors to make me say, Fuck it, I deserve some wine, is backfiring. I know only I can control what I put in my glass but the problem is I don't trust me yet. I really want this. I want a few days to turn into a few weeks so I can look at myself in the mirror again and not cringe. I'm out of shape, pale, and a swollen mess. My goal was to spend some relaxation time at the beach, read a trashy novel and get some sun this weekend. Sun, Vitamin D helps my mood and a little color on my body helps me mentally. However kids (mainly one) isn't following my plan. So of course the emotional fragile state I am in I blow up. Mom this is what you do you freak out.  Yes, b/c no one asks me what I want! Everyone around here does what they want and I work around your plans and schedules. No one knows How bad I am.  I want to get out of this depressed state and stop this madness before its too late and something bad happens. 

So I will take it hour by hour and get thru today. I'll try to snap out of this pity party and stay strong. The bad moments will pass and I think thru it. 

I can do this. I deserve this. I am worth it. 

As a friend says, Fuck you Wolfie.

Momma Bee 

Clear thoughts suck.....

It's only going on Day 2 and my stupid mind is thinking and feelings are coming to the surface. I don't like it. I want to go back to burying my head in the sand. Buzzed, drunk or hung over is so much easier. Bills, money problems, kids, an X husband and boyfriend issues are so much easier with wine, right? 

The thought of a drink entered my mind last night cleaning up dinner, my normal drinking time. I didn't do it. Cleaned up read, played on my iPad and fell asleep. I was exhausted. I'm looking forward to better sleep. I'm trying not to think too far ahead, like what's on tap this weekend.....

Woke up early and hit the gym this Morning. Regulars said, hey where you been? Taking night classes? I'm lucky if I've been going once a week the last few months.  I once was a regular morning 6am gal! Hopefully tomorrow morning I will be back at the gym for 2 days in a row!

Time to get to work!

Momma Bee

Day 1

I decided to start blogging again.  I originally started this blog because inside my head I knew I needed to stop my drinking. I don't drink like a "normal drinker". I used a Whole 30 clean eating plan so friends/family knew why I wasn't drinking. No one knew the real main reason.

7 months later, I'm going to attempt again stringing a few days in a row to get stronger and feeling better in hopes the days turn to weeks and who knows maybe a month or so. I've done a few weeks before and it felt great to wake up feeling normal and clear minded.

Today is my sons 14th Bday, maybe it will be a new birthday for me too.

Momma Bee