I am going to make an effort to post daily..... even if it is short and just checking in.

Day 23

Last night I had dinner out with 8 girlfriends.  Fun dinner and some of us even had our cards read by the Psychic @ the Restaurant.  The Psychic was why we planned a girls night out.  No, I did not (out of fear) ask the psychic about drinking or addictions but I did wonder if she would mention it.  I did ask about my health and my cards read I would have a healthy life.  I left it at that ;-)  (She was dead on some things for me and some of the other ladies too, very spooky!)

Anyway......So, I was the only one not drinking.  Momma B always drinks.  The wine was even on special for 1/2 off a bottle! One friend in the group already knew I have decided not drink for a while.  Of course it was brought up twice.  Really, she didn't have any wine was asked when we were ordering dessert.  Why aren't you drinking?  I assured them I was fine, not pregnant and not dying of any diseases and I was just having seltzer tonight.  Everyone else was drinking wine and I was the only one ordering coffee.  I haven't done that in years, wine goes with dessert~ lol  I just didn't want the issue pressed anymore and it was dropped.  The big reason I wanted it dropped is that 3 of the ladies in this group, along w/ our spouses and significant others are vacationing in February at an all inclusive tropical resort with no children in tow.  There are 5 couples going this year.  Last year my bf and I went also.  Everyone drinks.  Good Lord we didn't even have all our luggage at the airport and we were ordering drinks. I drank and ate my face off last year.  So bad I think when I came home I was still had liquor in my blood for days.  When I step on that plane in February, I will be on day 102 of my challenge.....  Yes I already counted it out.  I am trying NOT to think about my upcoming trip.  Will I drink at 100 days?  Will I drink just for the vacation and go sober again when I come home?  Can I survive this vacation sober when everyone else starts drinking before noon?  Its FREE, an all inclusive resort, how can I not drink??

I'm trying to NOT think that far ahead.  Don't drink today, don't drink this weekend.  My first goal was making it thru the first weekend.  Then to 21 days (my longest streak) and now my goal is 30 days.  I want to, I need to make it to 100 days.  Don't get me wrong my goal is 100 days and beyond.  I have taken the oath that I will not pick up that first drink.  I will cry, yell, scream, walk, sleep, run, read, hide and do anything I can to keep Wolfie at arms length and out of my sober zone. 

I hope when I hit 75+ days of not drinking it won't even be an thought or an option in my brain to stop my sober car from rolling along this nice scenic route!

So much for a short note to just check in~

Momma B.

Day 22~

I made it.  I made it past my longest streak from when ever I started keeping track.... (last 2-3 years??)  I am doing pretty good.  Survived a few outings this weekend where others were drinking.  The restaurant we were at even had mocktails on the drink menu, how cool was that?  I ordered Ginger Beer.  Yummy.... basically, ginger, soda water and simple syrup.  I need to experiment at home.  $ 5.00, same price as a cocktail.  I only had one!

At the restaurant Sunday, I looked around and saw a lady drinking wine, it didn't phase me.  I noticed a guy drinking and he was kind of loud~ I thought to myself, he is a little tipsy. My group of 5, only 1 was drinking and she only had one.

Friday night I was out w/ some close friends, there was just 5 of us.  They asked me why I wasn't drinking.... I confessed drinking for me is a vicious cycle.  I drink too many calories, skip workouts, I'm moody and depressed and I gained 25 pounds the last year.  The main problem with all of that I find is the booze.  Eliminate the booze and I will be better off.  I can then get up early and exercise, less calories and if I eliminate the depressant than maybe I will feel better about myself.  I didn't have to come clean on some of my other reasons but it felt good it was out there in the open.  They were proud of my streak (at the time was 17 days).  The next day one friend texted me that I was an inspiration and she decided to give up the booze too.  That she just needed to find another way to cope.  Sound familiar?  In my area, age group, circle of friends everyone drinks.  I can really say only one friend isn't a drinker.  She will at times but not often.  She is a close friend so that will help not feel alone when we are out socially. 

I keep hearing in the blogging world, Sober is the New Black. 

Just maybe it is.....

Momma B.

My Big Dream....

Today is day 16 without a drink...... Been a while since I posted.  My weekend was very busy and I really didn't have time to blog.  However, I wanted to share something that woke me Saturday morning......

I had my first real dream in a long time. I never dream and if I do I don't remember it or only bits and pieces later in the day when something would trigger my memory.   I woke remembering my dream.  Short version, it was about me holding a snake that my x husband was holding and it jumped on me.  Trying to remove him, he bitten down on my thumb and another finger.  I got him off and there was no bite marks.  I felt him bite me.  He was poisonous.  I called 911 anyway.  I was fine.  Then I woke up.  Right away I googled dreams, bitten by snake.... I was amazed 2 websites said the same thing.

It would depend on the association you had with the dream. Did you struggle with the snake or did it wither and die after it bit you? Gillian Holloway, Ph.D. identifies being bitten by a snake as meaning different things. She says, "In many dreams a single snake will come to bite you, and you may in fact be bitten after a brief struggle. To your amazement though, you will not die, and may find that the situation is not as bad as you thought." According to Holloway you have this kind of dream if you are struggling with some problem, relationship or challenge. "Such a snake-ordeal is an important signal that you are going through a kind of initiation; a psychological and spiritual trial that has the potential to change your life for the better if you deal with it bravely and with a clear heart. You may have to give up something you thought you couldn't, or take a stand for your principles or faith."

Generally, a snake featured in a dream means that you’re dealing with a difficult situation or unsettling emotions in your waking life. On the positive side of this dream analysis, dreaming of snakes could also mean that healing and transformation are taking place.

A snake can appear in your dreams as an animal spirit guide or animal totem, bringing guidance about life direction and healing opportunities.

WOW.  Challenge. Psychological and Spiritual trial. Change my life for the better. Give up sometng you thought you couldn't. Difficult situation in waking life. Healing and transformation is taking place. WOW.

Ok, so it can be a fluke and mean nothing, but I took it as something.  I remembered my dream.  I was on Day 11 of no booze.  I believe the "spirit" or something was letting me know I am struggling with "something aka alcohol" but it will be ok.  I will make it.  Have faith my life is changing for the better.

So I made it thru the weekend.  I went to a ladies social at a friends house and brought my own mineral water.  The host asked later when no one was around, why I wasn't drinking?  Momma here always drinks at socials or events.   I didn't want to deal with it so I said, I'm on penicillin and the last time I did I had issues.  That is all.  In 2 weeks thou I will be back at her house for another event. I'll be ready again to say, nope taking a little break or gotta work out early tomorrow.  Her sibling struggles with alocohol and I think has been sober well over a year.  I love my friend but she is quite the gossiper, so she wouldn't be one I would share my journey with just yet.

So it is now Thursday and I am onto Day 16.  Halfway till 30. Almost past my streak of 21 days.  (whenever I counted my streaks in the past 3-4 years, 21 days was my longest).  I'm using my sober tool box.  I did Belles Sober Jumpstart last week.  More info here.... http://tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.wordpress.com 

I'm listening to her podcasts, blogging, and reading sober blogs.  Im exercising again and trying to eat better but I'm still having sweet treats.  Not drinking and exercising again is my only focus this month.  I'm not taking too much on, I want to succeed.    So as they say,  I'm "working" the program. It's my program and no on else's. 

I'm pretty damn happy with myself so far. I'm keeping my eye on Wolfie.  He is on his way out but I'm watching him closely. I know he can pop up at any time! He did a bit last night but I wouldn't let him in. 

Momma Bee

TGIF

 

November 1st.... many friends on Facebook started "30 Days of Being Thankful". Each day they will post what they are Thankful for.  I joined in.  Day 1,  I am thankful for my healthy family.

Here on my Blog, "30 Days of Being Thankful". 

Day 1, I'm thankful I'm sober.  Yes it is only 10 days today, but I am Thankful I have 10 days under my belt going into the weekend.  TGIF usually means, Happy Hour somewhere.  Bar, home, friends, but somewhere including a nice cocktail.  My sober car is riding along the highway and I don't seem to see any accidents or road closures up ahead.  If something comes up, I am prepared.  I have my teas, mocktails (Mineral water and fixings) and plenty of Chocolate.  I have my jumpstart personal call with Belle Saturday morning.  I have a date at the gym Saturday morning.  I have plans to make a big batch of soup Saturday afternoon and today after work I am shopping for my supplies.  Sunday afternoon I have a gathering with my girlfriends and there will be plenty of wine.  I will bring my fancy mineral water.  Its ok to bring wine to events so why not my own non alcoholic beverage?  I am sure some heads will take a double take but I don't care.  Seriously, I don't care. If anyone asks, I am cutting back.  No biggie. 

If I have time this weekend, I would like to treat myself to a pedicure and manicure.  I "deserve" it after a long week.  Before I would say I "deserve" a glass of wine which would be more than a glass.  So now I "deserve" something better.  Something healthier. Sobriety!

Happy Weekend to all~

Momma B.

Day 7~ Treated Myself

 

 

Today I treated myself something special at the Farmers Market.  Just like my sober pen pal suggested.  A bouquet of flowers.  Almost the price of a bottle of wine.  I am so happy where I am today. I feel like the grip is loosening, a tiny bit.  I have been here before but I feel stronger this time.  The longest stretch of sober days (in the last 4 years) was 21 days about 2 years ago.  When I was trying to travel down this same road.  This time I have my sober community for support (always looking for more sober pen pals), tools and the memories that I want to forget but can't because if I do I will think that I wasn't that bad. 

 

So as I finish my first week I am excited to start the next.  Each day I am one step further away from Wolfie (the bad guy inside my head) and one step closer to the person I am suppose to be.  Happy with myself, loving myself and proud of myself.

 

Each day, one step closer. 

 

I will not pick up that first glass.

 

Happy Tuesday!

 

 

Happy Sober Monday

Today starts Day 6.... I'm sleeping so much it's wonderful.  The last night I drank which was last Tuesday I was up 3 am and couldn't go back to sleep.  I would wake up so much at night when I was drinking.  Now if I wake, I roll over and go right back to sleep.  I think my body is starting to heal itself and I am so glad.  I still haven't gone back to the gym.  I woke at 4:45 am today and turned off my 5 am alarm.  Next I thing I know it is 6:45 and I realize the whole house is still asleep..... So one kid misses the bus but I didn't care.  No momma freak outs this morning.  Actually things were nice and calm and dinner is already prepped in the crock pot.  I will see if I can squeeze a quick trip to the gym after work before I come home.  

No big plans this week except work and kid activities.  Nothing on tap this weekend either.  I'm bagging the 10K race I am signed up for.  I haven't trained and I haven't been doing any cardio either.  I will be trained for my next 10K in February 2014. I don't even like running. I'm not a fast runner, I actually do a run/walk method but when the race is over I'm so happy I did it even if at a snails pace. 

So I am trucking along this 100 day challenge and I couldn't be happier.  I know this road isn't going to be easy but I finally feel I am ready to take this on and not just a few days either.

GO ME!

Momma B

Uggggg

Day 5.....

My son had a bad time at his dance last night, he called and asked for me to get him early.  Glad , I wasn't drinking so I could be there and talk to him about what happened.

Today, I slept till 9 and it's 2pm and  I am still in my robe. I'm tired, cranky, moody and I don't know why.  Took a few cat naps, guess it's just catching up with me.  I read before somewhere, detoxing sometimes has flu like symptoms.  Yup, that's how I feel. Tired, cranky, moody, headache and blah.  I feel dehydrated too.  I've been drinking lots of mineral water and tea.  Maybe the Chinese take out last night had too much MSG or something.

I'm forcing myself to shower and take my son for a haircut.  I cleaned half the house yesterday and really need to do the upstairs when I get back.  Hopefully a shower and some fresh air will help.

This Sunday feels like a hang over Sunday but it's not....... I'm thankful for that.

MommaBee