Monday, February 17, 2014

Back to Reality~

I am back now over a week from my vacation to Costa Rica, which is Central America, not South America.  One of the many things I learned.  It truly is an amazing country and if you enjoy nature, you must go.  We hiked, zip-lined (cried I was so scared), saw beautiful water falls and even a poisonous snake to close for my comfort in the rain forest.  We saw white faced monkeys and a huge crocodiles on our River Boat tour.  We ate fresh mahi mahi that my friends caught deep sea fishing.  I had two massages, facial, pedicures and read two books on the gorgeous beach and by the pool.  I came back tan and relaxed.

I also drank after being sober 101 days.  I pledged to Belle to continue and go 180 days sober a few weeks prior to vacation.  I made the decision and I did drink daily.  Some days a little and some days a lot~ I had a huge bruise to show for it when I tripped down the steps.  HUGE, I should of taken a photo.  No one forced me and no influenced me, I myself made that decision.  I am sad I broke my streak.  I think when I heard the hotel manager say what happens in Costa Rica stays in Costa Rica , my wolfie brain took that into consideration.  Looking back I did what I believed I wanted and not having any responsibility or my children with me, I wasn't hurting anyone. 

I told myself when you step back into the states, no drinking.  So after being home 2 days and I was at a b-day celebration and I was offered wine, I said sure and drank 3 glasses.  When I saw the host fill my glass I didn't say no.  When I came home and thought about it the next day I knew I didn't want to go back to my old ways.  I knew from watching others in the sober blogging community it is so easy to get back into that trap.  I don't want that anymore.  I was in funk all last week and avoided coming online and checking in.  I started reading the Jason Vale book, Kick the Drink Easily and I agree with many of his beliefs and thinking.  Its a great read.  I read it most of the weekend.  I feel better now going into this week.  After have a sober weekend I feel more like my old self prior to vacation.  I didn't have any cravings and the thought didn't cross my mind to drink this weekend.

I have many mixed feelings and plan to discuss them with my therapist later this week.  I am going away for a long weekend with a few ladies for a friends birthday this weekend.  It will be another great trip and I can do it sober. 

Momma Bee