Friday, November 29, 2013

Black Friday~ Day 38

Wow, my first sober Thanksgiving.  Well I have many before I was 21 and after.... but I don't remember the last one the past 6-7 years.  I'm not sure how I feel about it looking back on yesterday.  I woke w/ a bad headache today and feel weirdly emotional today.  I have been on the go since the end of work on Wednesday cooking and cleaning for Thanksgiving.  I was busy all day yesterday and was asleep by 9 on the sofa last night.  I made a delicious meal and my whole family thoroughly enjoyed.  It was a nice day enjoyed by all.  Moments here and there during the day I thought about wine or thought, wouldn't it be nice to have glass right now.. and then the thoughts quickly went too.. who are you kidding, you wouldn't stop at one glass or even two.  I am just happy that the day went well and I did it w/o any alcohol in my system.  I think that I was so busy helped me forget about wine.  I am not so sure how I would of been if I was just a guest at yesterdays holiday dinner.

Those thoughts there my friends are why I am on this 100 Day Sober Journey which should go well and beyond the 100 days.  My only focus is to stay sober for another day, week and month.  I have been reading Mr. Sponsorpants: Adventures in Society and the 12 Steps for AA as suggested by a great blogger, Christy at   Thou I am only a few chapters in, I am relating to so much of it already.  Check it out on Kindle, its a steal for $ 3.99.  I am trying to keep up on the many sober blogs I follow and there are so many different posts I can relate to from my past experiences with alcohol to my current experiences sans alcohol.  I have a few sober pen pals and this really does help me and I hope I too have been some help to them.  Just having someone to communicate to who understands and won't judge me helps me tremendously and also the  anonymity helps me feel safe to truly be free and truthful about my dependency on alcohol. 

Did I just type that, my dependency on alcohol. I guess the sooner I really accept that statement, the sooner my real journey will truly begin.

Thanks for reading~

Momma Bee

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Fuck You

Fuck You Wolfie!!! I hear you and I'm not
Listening, I'm listening to Happy Christmas music! I don't care it's happy hour, it's the holidays, everyone else is having fun....

I'm busy I need to hit the store for more turkey fixings after work....

Go to hell I said.... I'm not listening!

Im on Day 35!

Momma Bee

Monday, November 25, 2013

Happy Monday~ Day 34

I am here, alive and doing well.....

Just a short post, I am swamped today and I usually blog at work b/c I am on a computer.  Typing at home on an iPad isn't as easy. 

Monday nights are always swamped for me, lots of kids activities after work.  I wanted to hit the gym after work tonight too but not sure I can swing it.  I still have to pick up my turkey tonight.  I am cooking for 10 on Thanksgiving (I really like to cook so I don't mind) but I also work Wednesday and Friday, so free time is limited this week.

Woo Hoo, today is sober day number 34.  Funny I had to count it out forgot what number day it was.  I had a nice weekend, stayed in really.  Did take the kids to see Catching Fire Saturday (great movie btw) a great morning work out and cleaning all afternoon.  Sunday was lazy day, I napped a good bit  besides cooking, reading and grocery shopping.

A friend emailed me today and asked today if I am going to NOT drink over the holidays.... I said yup, I made a pledged to myself for many reasons to quit for 100 days.  I think I heard her jaw hit the desk from the other side of the City.  (ha ha)  She asked if I missed it and was I doing ok w/ my decision?  I said, honestly, I am ok with it and I feel great about it.

I really do believe that.  I told Belle I am on a Pink Cloud today~ I haven't felt this determined about anything is a long time.......

Don't worry, I am keeping an eye out for Mr. Fucker~ aka Wolfie!

Hope all is well in your sober world!

Momma Bee

Thursday, November 21, 2013

My Treat

My 30 Day Sober Massage was fabulous!!! I feel so relaxed that I don't want to go home!  I even booked another one in 3 1/2 weeks!!!

I just stopped in Whole Foods and picked up some special sodas and mineral waters for the holiday next week.

Good Night!
Momma Bee 

Holy Shit 30 Days~


Wow, 30 days~ I made it!
What have I learned about myself?  How hard was it? How do I feel? What did I accomplish?
I guess I should think bout my first 30 days and reflect. 
Looking back, 30 days went really fast!
I am very proud of myself.
I have no problem rewarding myself with treats!
It feels great to exercise again.
I sleep 7+ hours a night and I love it!
I am calmer in the mornings with my children. (maybe not so much the first week, lol)
I'm looking at myself in the mirror more.
I'm wearing lipstick again.
I feel better emotionally & mentally.
My face looks better, glowing, younger.
I'm taking more pride in my appearance.
I haven't taken Ibuprofen in 30 days.
My house is cleaner than last month.
I'm reading more.
I'm still addicted to FB and now sober blogs.
Wolfie hasn't challenged me yet.
What do I anticipate the next 30 days?
I anticipate Wolfie will try to fuck with me!
Events on my calendar will be challenging.
Feeling stronger in my workouts.
I will eat more to compensate at events.
More people will ask when will I drink again. 
(Today I was asked am I drinking on Thanksgiving or the concert next month?)
My moods will still swing when my BF drinks.
The more days I am sober the better I will feel about myself.
I am ready to take on the next 30 days.  I will keep my tool box at my side and continue on this fabulous journey. 
Thanks to all of you in the sober blogging community and especially Belle for never giving up on me!
Momma Bee 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Tomorrow is a Big Day~

Tomorrow is Day 30 for me on my sober journey~ I am very proud.  It has been a long time since I did something healthy for myself and stuck to it.  My journey is long from over and just the beginning of my new healthy lifestyle. 

I just got off the phone from booking a massage for tomorrow after work.  I have had plenty of massages before but this one is really special~ I worked really hard to get here and it is only the beginning. 

While I am there tomorrow, I think I will book one for December 21, my next big goal of 60 Days!

What's the matter Wolfie, you don't like the smell of Lavender Oil?  Fuck you, I do!

Momma B.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Day 28

WOW, I am almost at 30 days.  When I woke this morning the first thing that came into my head was, DAY 28.

I'm proud, I'm happy and a lil scared.  My next goal was 30 days.  I never done this in recent years.  I want it to roll over and easily move onto 60 days.  I know anything worth it won't come easy!

I had a great workout at the gym this morning at 6am.  I made my BF hide the scale around Nov 3rd.  I don't want to have anything get in my way of sobriety.  I don't want to get on the scale, see no changes and think, I'm not drinking wine anymore, I should of lost 10 lbs by now.  I was going to WI the 1st of every month going forward.  I may just skip December and wait till the New Year.  Wolfie is a Fucker and would tell me, "Hey Fatty, your not losing weight so you should just start drinking wine again!"   

My only focus is staying sober and work out as often as I can.  Hitting the gym will help me relieve stress and make me go to bed at a decent hour.  I have been getting 7+ hours a sleep and loving it.  Nothing happens over night but when I feel better physically and mentally and see any positive changes in my skin, face, color, or less bloating it will only encourage me to continue my sober journey. 

I'm hoping to get a massage as a treat for 30 days~ and some type of yummy foot treat!  I have no problem treating myself on my sober journey! ;-)

Keeping my arms stretched out, nothing will get into my sober zone!

Momma B.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Day 27~ Happy Monday!

Well it was a nice sober weekend.  Friday night I attended Bunco w/ friends and had no problem passing on the wine.  I brought my own beverage and didn't feel left out when everyone was drinking wine.  It was talked about why I wasn't drinking and I just said, I'm not right now.  I was on meds a few weeks ago and decided to continue with not drinking.  I gained a lot of weight this past year, nothing fits and I need to cut out the booze and get to the gym.  Some said they were so impressed with my new motivation.

I was at the gym early Saturday and Sunday mornings.  Cleaned most of the house, ran some errands and attended a family party on Saturday.  It felt so good not to be hung over and get things accomplished.  I didn't feel I missed out on anything and not drinking didn't bother me at all.  Funny, 3 different people texted me and asked if I was out or going out drinking.  I turned down 3 opportunities and it made me feel good.

My BF was away hunting this weekend.  In the past his drinking has been my trigger.  I think many of my attempts in the past to quit drinking failed b/c he was drinking.  (or was I using that as an excuse?)   How can I be sober when he drinks?  We met in a bar shortly after I was separated from my husband.  Our social circle is around drinking.  To be honest, we don't have an "hobby" together.  We like to watch tv or movies and cook at home together.  I think maybe.....  I'm afraid inside I may not be attracted to him?  I do love him very much and he treats my children like they are his own.  But in the past when I stopped drinking for a period and even now I noticed when he is drinking, I am so turned off.  Sometimes I am so bitter when I see or know he is drinking.  I can feel it turn my mood into disgust.  I don't even want to be around him.  Why is that?  Will it always be this way?  Is it Wolfie's way to try and pull me back to drinking?  Was alcohol clouding my true feelings for him?  The last month or two he has cut back on his drinking and since I haven't been drinking, things have been great.  I wouldn't change a thing but when he is drinking, I just don't want to be around him.  I feel like he picks at lil things and is annoying and not funny. I find myself rolling my eyes and the thought of having sober sex with someone not sober is so unappealing.

I'm hoping this is just a phase.  Like Belle (  has said, don't tackle anything new during the early phase of sobriety, like diet, relationships, etc.  Just focus on staying sober.  That is my focus, stay sober.  I took an oath I would not drink anything for 100 days.  I owe that to myself.  I am over 1/4 a way there to 100 days.  I feel really good and good about myself, which I haven't felt in a really long time.

Happy Sober Monday Friends~

Momma B.


Friday, November 15, 2013

I'm Fun Sober~

Day 24- TGIF
I am heading out tonight to hang with the bitches and play BUNCO. 
What is BUNCO you ask?
bunco table cards - Google Search
Basically, a night out w/ the ladies to drink & gossip.  Oh the stories you hear after a few glasses.
Not me, I'm on Day 24.
Wonder how long before I am asked, Why aren't you drinking?
Because I am not~ and guess what?
Sober 24/7, act like the weirdest of weirdos.
Have a great night sober friends!
Momma B.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

I am going to make an effort to post daily..... even if it is short and just checking in.

Day 23

Last night I had dinner out with 8 girlfriends.  Fun dinner and some of us even had our cards read by the Psychic @ the Restaurant.  The Psychic was why we planned a girls night out.  No, I did not (out of fear) ask the psychic about drinking or addictions but I did wonder if she would mention it.  I did ask about my health and my cards read I would have a healthy life.  I left it at that ;-)  (She was dead on some things for me and some of the other ladies too, very spooky!)

Anyway......So, I was the only one not drinking.  Momma B always drinks.  The wine was even on special for 1/2 off a bottle! One friend in the group already knew I have decided not drink for a while.  Of course it was brought up twice.  Really, she didn't have any wine was asked when we were ordering dessert.  Why aren't you drinking?  I assured them I was fine, not pregnant and not dying of any diseases and I was just having seltzer tonight.  Everyone else was drinking wine and I was the only one ordering coffee.  I haven't done that in years, wine goes with dessert~ lol  I just didn't want the issue pressed anymore and it was dropped.  The big reason I wanted it dropped is that 3 of the ladies in this group, along w/ our spouses and significant others are vacationing in February at an all inclusive tropical resort with no children in tow.  There are 5 couples going this year.  Last year my bf and I went also.  Everyone drinks.  Good Lord we didn't even have all our luggage at the airport and we were ordering drinks. I drank and ate my face off last year.  So bad I think when I came home I was still had liquor in my blood for days.  When I step on that plane in February, I will be on day 102 of my challenge.....  Yes I already counted it out.  I am trying NOT to think about my upcoming trip.  Will I drink at 100 days?  Will I drink just for the vacation and go sober again when I come home?  Can I survive this vacation sober when everyone else starts drinking before noon?  Its FREE, an all inclusive resort, how can I not drink??

I'm trying to NOT think that far ahead.  Don't drink today, don't drink this weekend.  My first goal was making it thru the first weekend.  Then to 21 days (my longest streak) and now my goal is 30 days.  I want to, I need to make it to 100 days.  Don't get me wrong my goal is 100 days and beyond.  I have taken the oath that I will not pick up that first drink.  I will cry, yell, scream, walk, sleep, run, read, hide and do anything I can to keep Wolfie at arms length and out of my sober zone. 

I hope when I hit 75+ days of not drinking it won't even be an thought or an option in my brain to stop my sober car from rolling along this nice scenic route!

So much for a short note to just check in~

Momma B.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Day 22~

I made it.  I made it past my longest streak from when ever I started keeping track.... (last 2-3 years??)  I am doing pretty good.  Survived a few outings this weekend where others were drinking.  The restaurant we were at even had mocktails on the drink menu, how cool was that?  I ordered Ginger Beer.  Yummy.... basically, ginger, soda water and simple syrup.  I need to experiment at home.  $ 5.00, same price as a cocktail.  I only had one!

At the restaurant Sunday, I looked around and saw a lady drinking wine, it didn't phase me.  I noticed a guy drinking and he was kind of loud~ I thought to myself, he is a little tipsy. My group of 5, only 1 was drinking and she only had one.

Friday night I was out w/ some close friends, there was just 5 of us.  They asked me why I wasn't drinking.... I confessed drinking for me is a vicious cycle.  I drink too many calories, skip workouts, I'm moody and depressed and I gained 25 pounds the last year.  The main problem with all of that I find is the booze.  Eliminate the booze and I will be better off.  I can then get up early and exercise, less calories and if I eliminate the depressant than maybe I will feel better about myself.  I didn't have to come clean on some of my other reasons but it felt good it was out there in the open.  They were proud of my streak (at the time was 17 days).  The next day one friend texted me that I was an inspiration and she decided to give up the booze too.  That she just needed to find another way to cope.  Sound familiar?  In my area, age group, circle of friends everyone drinks.  I can really say only one friend isn't a drinker.  She will at times but not often.  She is a close friend so that will help not feel alone when we are out socially. 

I keep hearing in the blogging world, Sober is the New Black. 

Just maybe it is.....

Momma B.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

My Big Dream....

Today is day 16 without a drink...... Been a while since I posted.  My weekend was very busy and I really didn't have time to blog.  However, I wanted to share something that woke me Saturday morning......

I had my first real dream in a long time. I never dream and if I do I don't remember it or only bits and pieces later in the day when something would trigger my memory.   I woke remembering my dream.  Short version, it was about me holding a snake that my x husband was holding and it jumped on me.  Trying to remove him, he bitten down on my thumb and another finger.  I got him off and there was no bite marks.  I felt him bite me.  He was poisonous.  I called 911 anyway.  I was fine.  Then I woke up.  Right away I googled dreams, bitten by snake.... I was amazed 2 websites said the same thing.

It would depend on the association you had with the dream. Did you struggle with the snake or did it wither and die after it bit you? Gillian Holloway, Ph.D. identifies being bitten by a snake as meaning different things. She says, "In many dreams a single snake will come to bite you, and you may in fact be bitten after a brief struggle. To your amazement though, you will not die, and may find that the situation is not as bad as you thought." According to Holloway you have this kind of dream if you are struggling with some problem, relationship or challenge. "Such a snake-ordeal is an important signal that you are going through a kind of initiation; a psychological and spiritual trial that has the potential to change your life for the better if you deal with it bravely and with a clear heart. You may have to give up something you thought you couldn't, or take a stand for your principles or faith."

Generally, a snake featured in a dream means that you’re dealing with a difficult situation or unsettling emotions in your waking life. On the positive side of this dream analysis, dreaming of snakes could also mean that healing and transformation are taking place.
A snake can appear in your dreams as an animal spirit guide or animal totem, bringing guidance about life direction and healing opportunities.
WOW.  Challenge. Psychological and Spiritual trial. Change my life for the better. Give up sometng you thought you couldn't. Difficult situation in waking life. Healing and transformation is taking place. WOW.
Ok, so it can be a fluke and mean nothing, but I took it as something.  I remembered my dream.  I was on Day 11 of no booze.  I believe the "spirit" or something was letting me know I am struggling with "something aka alcohol" but it will be ok.  I will make it.  Have faith my life is changing for the better.
So I made it thru the weekend.  I went to a ladies social at a friends house and brought my own mineral water.  The host asked later when no one was around, why I wasn't drinking?  Momma here always drinks at socials or events.   I didn't want to deal with it so I said, I'm on penicillin and the last time I did I had issues.  That is all.  In 2 weeks thou I will be back at her house for another event. I'll be ready again to say, nope taking a little break or gotta work out early tomorrow.  Her sibling struggles with alocohol and I think has been sober well over a year.  I love my friend but she is quite the gossiper, so she wouldn't be one I would share my journey with just yet.
So it is now Thursday and I am onto Day 16.  Halfway till 30. Almost past my streak of 21 days.  (whenever I counted my streaks in the past 3-4 years, 21 days was my longest).  I'm using my sober tool box.  I did Belles Sober Jumpstart last week.  More info here.... 
I'm listening to her podcasts, blogging, and reading sober blogs.  Im exercising again and trying to eat better but I'm still having sweet treats.  Not drinking and exercising again is my only focus this month.  I'm not taking too much on, I want to succeed.    So as they say,  I'm "working" the program. It's my program and no on else's. 
I'm pretty damn happy with myself so far. I'm keeping my eye on Wolfie.  He is on his way out but I'm watching him closely. I know he can pop up at any time! He did a bit last night but I wouldn't let him in. 
Momma Bee

Friday, November 1, 2013



November 1st.... many friends on Facebook started "30 Days of Being Thankful". Each day they will post what they are Thankful for.  I joined in.  Day 1,  I am thankful for my healthy family.

Here on my Blog, "30 Days of Being Thankful". 

Day 1, I'm thankful I'm sober.  Yes it is only 10 days today, but I am Thankful I have 10 days under my belt going into the weekend.  TGIF usually means, Happy Hour somewhere.  Bar, home, friends, but somewhere including a nice cocktail.  My sober car is riding along the highway and I don't seem to see any accidents or road closures up ahead.  If something comes up, I am prepared.  I have my teas, mocktails (Mineral water and fixings) and plenty of Chocolate.  I have my jumpstart personal call with Belle Saturday morning.  I have a date at the gym Saturday morning.  I have plans to make a big batch of soup Saturday afternoon and today after work I am shopping for my supplies.  Sunday afternoon I have a gathering with my girlfriends and there will be plenty of wine.  I will bring my fancy mineral water.  Its ok to bring wine to events so why not my own non alcoholic beverage?  I am sure some heads will take a double take but I don't care.  Seriously, I don't care. If anyone asks, I am cutting back.  No biggie. 

If I have time this weekend, I would like to treat myself to a pedicure and manicure.  I "deserve" it after a long week.  Before I would say I "deserve" a glass of wine which would be more than a glass.  So now I "deserve" something better.  Something healthier. Sobriety!

Happy Weekend to all~

Momma B.