Monday, November 18, 2013

Day 27~ Happy Monday!

Well it was a nice sober weekend.  Friday night I attended Bunco w/ friends and had no problem passing on the wine.  I brought my own beverage and didn't feel left out when everyone was drinking wine.  It was talked about why I wasn't drinking and I just said, I'm not right now.  I was on meds a few weeks ago and decided to continue with not drinking.  I gained a lot of weight this past year, nothing fits and I need to cut out the booze and get to the gym.  Some said they were so impressed with my new motivation.

I was at the gym early Saturday and Sunday mornings.  Cleaned most of the house, ran some errands and attended a family party on Saturday.  It felt so good not to be hung over and get things accomplished.  I didn't feel I missed out on anything and not drinking didn't bother me at all.  Funny, 3 different people texted me and asked if I was out or going out drinking.  I turned down 3 opportunities and it made me feel good.

My BF was away hunting this weekend.  In the past his drinking has been my trigger.  I think many of my attempts in the past to quit drinking failed b/c he was drinking.  (or was I using that as an excuse?)   How can I be sober when he drinks?  We met in a bar shortly after I was separated from my husband.  Our social circle is around drinking.  To be honest, we don't have an "hobby" together.  We like to watch tv or movies and cook at home together.  I think maybe.....  I'm afraid inside I may not be attracted to him?  I do love him very much and he treats my children like they are his own.  But in the past when I stopped drinking for a period and even now I noticed when he is drinking, I am so turned off.  Sometimes I am so bitter when I see or know he is drinking.  I can feel it turn my mood into disgust.  I don't even want to be around him.  Why is that?  Will it always be this way?  Is it Wolfie's way to try and pull me back to drinking?  Was alcohol clouding my true feelings for him?  The last month or two he has cut back on his drinking and since I haven't been drinking, things have been great.  I wouldn't change a thing but when he is drinking, I just don't want to be around him.  I feel like he picks at lil things and is annoying and not funny. I find myself rolling my eyes and the thought of having sober sex with someone not sober is so unappealing.

I'm hoping this is just a phase.  Like Belle ( http://tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.wordpress.com)  has said, don't tackle anything new during the early phase of sobriety, like diet, relationships, etc.  Just focus on staying sober.  That is my focus, stay sober.  I took an oath I would not drink anything for 100 days.  I owe that to myself.  I am over 1/4 a way there to 100 days.  I feel really good and good about myself, which I haven't felt in a really long time.

Happy Sober Monday Friends~

Momma B.